Thursday, 25 December 2014

I'm Into...

.. inspiration. I'm infatuated with the feeling of being inspired. With the ideas I wish I could've encountered a long time ago. With the thrill of getting to know so much more about new things I've become so passionate about.

I've been influenced so much by literature and music for a while, but I feel like this year is the definite beginning of my adventures that reach past simple pocket books, and B major chord progressions.

I'm reaching new heights with my creativity lately, and I'm just so happy to know that I can just keep going and never get sick of expressing myself through the arts.

I'm currently majoring in Philosophy to hopefully further my studies in medical school when I'm done undergrad, (I know it's a strange transition for many, but it's a plan shaped by the Lord, so I believe all will be well, knowing it's in His hands.), and honestly, it's just giving me so much to think about, so many ideas that are so rich with ideas to be unpacked from, and new passions in life to create.

I honestly hope that everyone finds their muse, and their passions in life, because trust me, it's a whole new world, and you're definitely going to love it.

More to talk about regarding this soon, but for now, wishing you all a very Merry Christmas!

Monday, 22 December 2014

Mayday. Mayday. I've been struck.

There's a particular significance to certain people. The type of significance that can kill others quite instantly because of that calibre in which people exist.

Can you live without them? How do you live with them? Are you even living when it comes to them?

It's a continuous cycle of knowing and not knowing. Fighting and being disappointed because all you're left with is nothing.

You put in time and effort to be a part of someone's life; and all they do is waste your efforts by constantly taking and never giving, and when they do give, they only expect so much more back.

I always wonder; how does it feel to be the one who left? The one who left behind the person who sacrificed so much for you. I've been in that spot before, quite a few times, all in situations I didn't mean to leave.

It was more like, I was left behind because me being there, almost felt like I wasn't there at all, and worst of all, I lost some of the most important people in my life because of that.

To have lost it all, and to have wanted it back so bad no matter how much it hurt. That was a feeling: so strong, so constant, for so long.

Remember how I mentioned that people would come through the forest and leave me behind? I don't think I ever mentioned those who picked me up, but dropped me the moment things got too difficult. The ones who didn't own up to getting lost too. The ones who gave up on both of us.

It hurt. It hurt to know that life wasn't ever going to be the same, because I'd been dropped somewhere different from the last time, and always abandoned.

But for some reason, certain things will happen, certain people will appear, and they just make life seem so much easier to deal with, because they know that following the light, to get out of the forest, is so much better, not just for them, but for me too.

And even if it hurts, it gets us by. Even if we have to call mayday. 

Saturday, 20 December 2014

How Are You Really?

Every now I then, I try my best to go see one of my really good friends. There's only one place I can ever go see her, and sometimes she's not in the place where she says she'll be, so I have to kind of find my way to track her down, and each time I try, if I really have the intent to go see her, I end up finding her.

The sad thing about it is, it's so easy for me to find her even on the most difficult of days, but she can't seem to find herself.

She took me aside one day and just told me everything that was going on with her, stuff I didn't know about before, and I just thought to myself: "Wow, you've been so ignorant."

I only say this because she's been a source of happiness of mine for quite some time, although she's not aware of it, and while I've been able to find happiness in being around her, she's been struggling with finding herself the whole time.

I understand, it's one of those: "Well, she's not your responsibility" or "You have control over who you have a moral obligation to" type of situations, but to be honest, the only reason why I'm kind of blaming myself for this is because I just want the best for her.

I mean she's such an amazing friend. She even took me out of the forest at one point. If you didn't know, I was stuck in that place for a while, and to be honest, I still find my way there on a few occasions, but for some reason, when I'm stuck in there, she's so quick to find a way to get me out pronto, even if she doesn't know I've ever been lost there in the first place.

I guess what I'm trying to say is, she's such an important, inspirational figure in my life, and to know that she's going through a tough time really takes a toll on me because all I can really hope for is for her to find that happiness somewhere: especially within herself.

And I think that at some point, that's what we're all called to do. We're called to find happiness in ourselves. Sometimes it can get tough, but to be honest, I think it's because we're all reaching in the wrong direction. We just have to find our path, and make our way there.