Monday, 22 December 2014

Mayday. Mayday. I've been struck.

There's a particular significance to certain people. The type of significance that can kill others quite instantly because of that calibre in which people exist.

Can you live without them? How do you live with them? Are you even living when it comes to them?

It's a continuous cycle of knowing and not knowing. Fighting and being disappointed because all you're left with is nothing.

You put in time and effort to be a part of someone's life; and all they do is waste your efforts by constantly taking and never giving, and when they do give, they only expect so much more back.

I always wonder; how does it feel to be the one who left? The one who left behind the person who sacrificed so much for you. I've been in that spot before, quite a few times, all in situations I didn't mean to leave.

It was more like, I was left behind because me being there, almost felt like I wasn't there at all, and worst of all, I lost some of the most important people in my life because of that.

To have lost it all, and to have wanted it back so bad no matter how much it hurt. That was a feeling: so strong, so constant, for so long.

Remember how I mentioned that people would come through the forest and leave me behind? I don't think I ever mentioned those who picked me up, but dropped me the moment things got too difficult. The ones who didn't own up to getting lost too. The ones who gave up on both of us.

It hurt. It hurt to know that life wasn't ever going to be the same, because I'd been dropped somewhere different from the last time, and always abandoned.

But for some reason, certain things will happen, certain people will appear, and they just make life seem so much easier to deal with, because they know that following the light, to get out of the forest, is so much better, not just for them, but for me too.

And even if it hurts, it gets us by. Even if we have to call mayday. 

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