Tuesday, 17 February 2015

Define: normal

I've spent so many years trying to understand what it meant to be normal. It was always a constant prayer for me, asking the Lord if I could be just like everyone else. I'd say to my parents: "Ma, why can't I just see things the way they do?", "Dad, am I weird? Why can't I just fit in?" Questions like these would float in my head, and everytime I'd open my mouth something weird would come out and people would give me blank stares and I'd come running home at the end of the day wondering why they didn't want to play with me at recess anymore.

It'd be strange for them, like I was an alien from another planet. I think that's why I'd always make friends with people older than me, people who were interested in understanding my thoughts, because even if my thoughts weren't as mature, they weren't as "kid-friendly" either. I'd always wonder why certain things were made this way, or why the Earth was a sphere, or why water knew exactly how to make a structure fit to be a teardrop. I never really understood why, I was just curious.

I just wanted to put this out there because, if anyone else is feeling this way, know that you're the way you are because you're meant to make a change in the world. Everyone is made for a particular role. Maybe you don't fit in, maybe you think differently, maybe you dress differently, maybe you like science magazines instead of "J-14", maybe you sing along to Metallica and not to Taylor Swift, and that's okay. That is perfectly okay. The world wouldn't be the same without you, and as bogus as that sounds, I think it's worth reflecting on.



Imagine if you weren't the way you are, that would mean your parents would be different too because they raised you, which means your friends would also be different because your interests wouldn't be the same, which means what you like and the way your room looks and how you dress- it's all a chain reaction until it becomes so big that you're not the same you that you see now.

Know that you're making a change. Don't ever feel insignificant, and don't ever wish to be like everyone else, because at the end of the day, they're that way because you're the way you are. Embrace it, live it, love it.

Oh and hey you, go out there, and make a change.

Monday, 9 February 2015

Porcelain Doll.

I just want to make this very clear... I am broken.

I have been ripped to shreds. I was smashed onto the ground. I am in pieces. I am weak. I am torn apart. I have been hurt.

I am broken.

I have forgotten what it's like to not have parts glued back together. I have forgotten what it's like to not have a tainted heart. I have forgotten what it's like to laugh and not have any feeling of pain, piercing the back of my chest.

I am parts. I am a billion porcelain pieces scattered on the floor. I am a smile forlorn. I am limbs you cannot make out. I am chaos.

I am parts.

Parts.

I am whole.

Parts of a whole that has been broken but not lost, painful but not intolerable, tainted but not contaminated, weak but not hopeless, chaotic but not unrecognizable.

I am whole. I am strong.

I am.