I'm off until the 12th of January, and while everyone around me is celebrating this month long sojourn, I'm sitting back with so much anxiety because I just want to get back into the groove of things.
The reason why I'm struggling with this, I presume, is because school is literally the only place I feel the most "myself".
School was the place where I first realized who I was and who I could be (although I know I'm not exactly there yet, I'm quite curious to find out). It was what influenced me to figure out what I was comfortable wearing, who I identified well with, what kind of work ethic I had, and what kind of passions I had in life that took my mind away from the nervousness that standardized testing evoked.
I remember having a conversation with a teacher I hadn't seen in a while and saying to her that if I could come up with a career that was so unrealistic, but meant something dear to me, I said I would just be a student for the rest of my life (that is, if education was free and we weren't all drowning in student debt AMIRITE?).
If you ask me what my greatest passion is, it's honestly being given the motivation to do something great, being educated with the means to do this great thing, going to do the great thing and being satisfied regardless of the result. That for me is what school is.
Now, if you've been keeping up with me this semester, then you're probably thinking that I've completely lost my marbles because:
- I had 6 courses in total which entailed 6 "exams" (three of which were just midterm tests so I know I didn't have it that bad)
- 6 assignments back to back on the regular (which were often due within either the same week, the same day, or just a few days away from one another, and by a few I mean ~2 to 3 days apart)
- 6 constant study sessions (usually taking up a day each)
- and 6 texts to read weekly
But to be honest, as hectic as that sounds, I really enjoyed my sleep-deprived, neck-wrecking semester. I know I'm never ever gonna do that again (if I still have control over my schedule in the future), but I'm super grateful because being under that much pressure really pushed me to be the best I could be this first half of my second year in university.
As for this break, I've done the neurotic thing I always do on break, which was to set up a schedule for things I want to take the time to review again from last semester, what I want to review for next semester, and what new projects I have set up for myself in terms of personal artistic expression, because I also need time to be emotional about this crazy life and write songs about it.
I also want to totally break the flow of this blog post as well and say I am so sorry for not posting for a while.
As you can see, there was a reason why I had to spend more time trying to figure out what the heck a gentle knight was doing "pricking on the plaine" instead of being my very own Spenser.
Anyway, until next time, Merry Christmas everyone, and to all the university students, happy break!